Losing My Hearing & London… – Jennifer Pastiloff

 

Hello From London!                                                                     This essay is the first time I have really tried to put into words what it’s like not being able to hear. It’s also my first piece on the fabulous site “The Nervous Breakdown” so your support means a lot. Anyway, I’d be honored if you read it. Or commented. If you’ve had any kind of loss, it might interest you and, if you have ever judged anyone (I know I have and I am also constantly being judged before people realize I struggle to hear) then read this…. It was hard to put this into words but I am proud of the outcome. Click photo to read my piece on my hearing loss on The Nervous Breakdown An excerpt: People say I don’t pay attention. You don’t listen. You’re an airhead, they say. I want to wear a sign that says  “Don’t make up stories. I just can’t fucking hear,” but that may be too on the nose, so I usually just drop a few steps back until I am away from sound altogether. It’s exhausting straining to make out what people are saying. I read lips, but that’s also sleep-inducing. Staring so hard at mouths making their O shapes or their various forms of joy or disgust, it can wear a person out.  Sometimes I simply stare into space, because really, what else is there to do when you can’t hear and you’re tired of pretending? I’m alone in a crowd of people, the bearer of silence among noise. Easily confused by the letters C and D and E.  I think Tom is John. I hear my name when it isn’t called. Everything starts sounding the same. Everything starts to sound like nothing. I think of bursts of silence as holy things. Click here to finish reading.